Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize