I think this baby is eyeing my beer
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
