Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
