I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
