I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
