This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
