Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize