Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
