i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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