do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
