you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
