Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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