Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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