dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
