you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
