I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
