his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize