It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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