I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
