i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
