I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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