You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
