If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
