no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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