Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
