So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize