What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
