i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
