Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
