I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
