he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
