I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you had me at cake vodka
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
