apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
