At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
