Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
