Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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