he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have already put on my inside pants.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
