There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
