Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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