i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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