were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
