Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
