glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
