THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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