it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
