she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
