She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize