in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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