We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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