his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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