remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
