I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
