it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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