he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
