good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
