I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
