I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
