i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
