I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
