Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
