I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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