i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
