I want to make a zoo with you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
