Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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