True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize