I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
