i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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